20 September 2026 #thefirstshallbelast
There’s a famous story about St. Paul entering the pearly gates… and being joyfully embraced by all of the Christians he murdered as a Pharisee. This story always gives me pause, not because I’m not delighted for Paul and his heavenly reward, but because if I were one of those women whose life was cut short, leaving my children orphans in a harsh world, I am not sure “joyfully embracing” would be my first action. Sigh.
The Gospel today reminds me that it should be.
The deal I made with the Lord when I committed myself to Him was that I believed he was my Lord and Savior (reciting John 3:16 in a candle-lit room). I agreed to follow His laws, allow Him into my life on a daily basis, and pledged my heart and love to Him and only Him. And in return, He promised to be by my side, through thick and thin, graciously dispensing grace and love and forgiveness as I had need. Like those workers who came to the vineyard early, I would toil for the Lord day-in and day-out, graciously dispensing His love and grace and forgiveness to anyone else who had need… until I could meet him face-to-face and my joy would be complete.
If only it were as perfect as that.
I did not, and do not, dispense the Lord’s love, grace, and forgiveness in the same way that He gives it to me. Channeling the words of Isaiah, I am not always generous in forgiving and often think that my ways are the right ways. Pondering on the psalmist, I am not always slow to anger. I do not always show compassion to all. I am not always just nor holy in all my works. I’ve somehow found myself far away from the Lord as often as I’ve been close. In short, I have not always conducted myself “in a way worthy of the gospel of Christ,” to quote Paul.
Yet the Lord will meet me at the pearly gates just as he met Paul, and those I’ve hurt and betrayed will meet me there too. And I am not sure how I feel about that. I’m hoping that my stint in purgatory will straighten all this out in my heart, mind, and soul.
The point here isn’t that, as an early disciple of the Lord, I’m frustrated and upset that my late-to-the-faith friends will get to heaven before me. I’m absolutely delighted for them.
The point here is that I wonder how I will feel about others’ generosity. Am I willing to accept their forgiveness of my mean-spirited actions? Because if I am, then I must drop my self-righteousness - this idea that I did the things I did because they were well-deserved. Are we first-vineyard-workers willing to give up our opinions about work (grace), timing (justice), and compensation (love) to take up the cause of Jesus? #thefirstshallbelast